Mark Whybird
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       `-* *.* :-[, The Computer Deity

*.* :-[, The Computer Deity

- a conversation about that powerful entity known only as *.* :-[. (Warning: computer humor)


Lynn announced:
It has come to my attention that insufficient sacrifices are being offered to the god/goddess of computers. This has lead to the deity deciding to take a victim. So far, I know that the god/goddess has chosen Thyme and Sharon for this, both have lost data due to hard drive crashes.

The solution is that we must properly sacrifice to the deity of computers before he or she takes another victim. Now the problem is, what does the deity need in the way of a sacrifice? One solution seems to be praying to your computer, with the occasional curse thrown in. Having a programming problem that drives the programmer up the wall seems to keep the deity happy. Are there any other known sacrifices that seem to work?

I replied:
No, no - the truth is that the deity (known as " *.* :-[ ") is constantly taking victims, at a more-or-less constant rate. The apparent rise in victims among the rest of the world is because *.* :-[ has stopped getting eir fill through a program I recently completed.

I have driveled at length to the drivel list the apparently unrelated computer problems that plagued the project from it's inception to the end (I actually had to reformat my hard drive and reinstall Windows NT from scratch no less than five times in the time I was working on it. The same hardware is working perfectly now).

The truth is that now that project is finally out the door, *.* :-[ is bored and looking for other victims.

Linda mentioned:
Fascinating, what would a computer goddess accept as a suitable sacrifice?

Looking just at coincidence, she seems to love to humiliate everyone.

Yes - this seems likely true. I have to agree here.

This explains why every time a program leaves the computer it was developed on, it fails to work in some respect.

Based on my meager experience, I'd say she amuses herself by watching people become mental basket cases, quivering piles of uncertainty, and completely unsure of whom they should trust at any moment.

I just don't have the heart to make any of these situations any WORSE, so I can't see my way to giving her any sacrifices.

Ah, yes, these are the exact right kind of sacrifices. (Un)fortunately, I don't think causing such suffering in others counts. *.* :-[ likes to inflict the suffering eirself - so you (or me, or whoever is the current victim) has to be the one reduced to a quivering mess.

'Prolly she enjoys the user crying into the keyboard and the person trying to help the user banging their head on the closest solid object.

Toys piled on her, and grooming don't seem to help much. Of course my idea of how often to dust might be part of that problem.

Hummm, wasting time surfing or reading drivel, or anything of that nature probably pleases her!

No, probably not when we gain pleasure from it.

Yes, when surfing causes the computer to crash just before you save that new bit of programming.

Only if the boss catches you looking at things you shouldn't be looking at when at work.


[ Portions of this Drivel are copyright Mark Whybird, the rest reproduced with permission ]


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